Thirty five and then some.

I really do intend on writing posts on a regular basis, but like, life seems to happen and omg what day is it now? Fuck.

Pretty much. Thirty five weeks as of this past Wednesday. Which means I will be offficially full term omg the baby can come anytime in TEN DAYS. Let me repeat that, TEN DAYS. WHAT! I am not exactly ready. Between trying to get everything done and being freaking exhausted from all the gestating I'm doing, yeah, blog posts have been few and far between. But watch me end up going right to 42 weeks or something and writing three posts a day out of boredom because I have nothing else to do. I hope not.

Things I still have to do: hire a doula, pick a doctor, install my carseat, write my birth plan, see a shrink, clean my entire stupid house, and oh yeah, figure out what the hell to do about daycare, because the solution we thought we had fell through and oh my god there is nothing left in the city of Seattle available before January, apparently. And that's not even including all the "little" things. Ten days. I spend a lot of time trying not to hyperventilate.

I swear one of these days I will have enough time to write something of substance.

34

You know what sucks? Rain. Still messing with my all dresses all the time plan. I am probably unecessarily angry about this. I think I went through 12 outfits today before I settled on one that didn't make me feel like crying, and I wasn't really even planning to leave the house or do anything productive. This last bit of pregnancy? Infuriating.

34 weeks today. I need to get my shit together. Today I googled every single family practice and pediatrician covered by my insurance so I can get going on finding a doctor for baby boy. It's 2011, you'd think the internet would be a lot more helpful when it comes to finding a doctor, but no, not really. Rarely did I find a doctor that had reviews, and almost never was the information in the reviews helpful. That's nice that he had a friendly receptionist, but what's his attitude on vaccines? Ugh. I keep getting the feeling that I'm going about this all wrong, because if it was this hard for everyone I would have heard about it, right? Maybe?

But hard as they are, things are going. Kyle is going to put our childcare deposit down tomorrow, assuming the space is still open--cross your fingers, because otherwise we are shit outta luck on that front. Our childbirth class is going well. Penny Simkin is truly the bees knees. I wish she could be my doula.  We're setting up appointments with doulas, too. Better late than never, I suppose. And I got myself accepted into a pilot study about placenta encapsulation and post partum mood disorders, so get that done for free. And I'm like, participating in science, woo. Tomorrow mom is coming over to help me paint our "nursery." I don't know why I am using the quotes there, since it is just the nursery, but it doesn't really feel real yet. Something.

I've gone down to four days a week at work. Three this week because of the holiday. I'm not super happy about it, and I'm only doing it because I have PTO I have to use up by the end of the month. I was hoping it would last a little longer and I could roll it into my maternity leave, but no such luck. But honestly, I think I kind of needed to step back a little anyway, because I am exhausted.

Too exhausted to think of a way to wrap this up. The end.

33 Weeks and Things

So I am a terrible blogger it seems. Sorry. This past Wednesday was 33 weeks. According to my stupid baby center emails, he's the size of a pineapple. When I asked Kyle how big he thought baby boy was this week he guessed the right fruit. Unbelievable! Considering it has been as varied as "an English hothouse cucumber" or "an average sized rutabaga" or "four navel oranges".  I was kind of upset by his correct guess, but I'm not sure why.

Anyway, I feel huge, but everyone still tells me I look small. The scrawny arms and legs will do that, I guess. Even though we're FINALLY getting a few sunny days here and there, there still has been a lot of rain, and my plans to wear nothing but dresses for this last leg of my pregnancy is not working out so well. Pants are really not my favorite thing right now, but oh well.

Today was baby shower numero dos, with my mom's side of the family. I haven't seen any of them since I announced my pregnancy, so it was exciting for everyone, especially since baby boy is going to be the first great-grandchild for my Grandpa. My youngest cousin is turning 21 this summer, so it's been a LOOOONNNGG time since we had a baby around. My uncle sent me some pictures from the festivities.

My cousin-in-law (?), Nancy is a graphic designer, and these flags match the invitations she designed. Cute!

Someone dug up a baby picture of me. I was a chubster.

Highly flattering picture of my enormity in way too expensive boutiquey maternity dress. 

Hopefully he will send me some more, because I love that dress and spent FAR too much money on it and would like as many photos of myself in it as possible. And I am a big narcissist. 

Tomorrow is my third (and final?) baby shower, hosted by my glorious and also-pregnant BFF and I'm really excited for that. The guests are a hodgepodge of people that are awesome and also unrelated to me, and I think it will be really fun. She did an amazing job on my bridal shower way back when. I get to return the favor in two weeks!

Eight "Months"

Hot damn, I am 32 weeks pregnant today! That's eight months, I guess, if you're the sort who likes to pretend that every month is made up of exactly four weeks, but then you would be wrong. Still. Saying that I am eight months pregnant is kind of awesome, so I will do that a little bit right now. EIGHT MONTHS, BITCHES!

Okay then. So this means I will be officially full term, and in my "due time" (as my yoga teacher says) in five weeks. FIVE. WEEKS. Holy shit do I have a lot to do.

Although I haven't yet done a lot of what I need to do, I'm feeling a lot better about my situation, and at the very least I have a PLAN and things. And my very first ever diapers came in the mail today! And I got permission from my landlord to paint! And we started our childbirth class! Things are feeling fairly imminent, and right now that's a good feeling. Can't guarantee anything about tomorrow, though.

31 Weeks

Hmm, I should probably do a 31 week post before I hit 32 weeks tomorrow. Perhaps. Maybe.

This might be the first ever picture of
me where I look 25 and not 17.

Things are rolling right along. Pregnancy is starting to feel interesting again. The second trimester was kind of boring me out of my mind, what with the nothing happening and all that, so it's nice to feel like there are milestones and changes and stuff again. Midwife appointments every two weeks! Childbirth classes! Dearest son kicking me in the cervix on a regular basis! Crying for no reason! Wheeeeee!

But things are mostly good. I've come to terms with staying put in our terrible crappy townhouse for the time being, probably at least through next January. Kyle helped me rearrange pretty much all our furniture so we can turn our second bedroom into a nursery, and we got permission from our landlord to paint, so I can expend my nervous energy on something slightly more productive than hand-wringing.

Things are still terrifying on the daycare front, as every center in our area and price range (and most of those out of it) have waiting lists until at least January, when I need to go back to work in October, so, um.... yeah. I guess the plan is to stick ourselves on all those lists and cross our fingers that something opens up. Because I HAVE TO go back to work after 12 weeks, and I HAVE TO go back full time, otherwise we no longer have like, health insurance, and that seems kind of important with a new baby and everything. It really sucks to be in a position that we don't get to choose the best care for our kid, but are instead just waiting for something, anything to open up. Clearly I'm not quite okay with this yet. I have stopped crying about it, though, so there's been some progress.

Start the countdown

Ten weeks left. Give or take, I suppose.

Interesting, on Wednesday, when I officially hit the 30 week mark I woke up feeling way more pregnant than I did the day before. All of the sudden I am constantly uncomfortable. Just navigating the world normally has become far more difficult. I'm all unwieldy and off balance and I can't walk at a reasonably fast speed to save my life. It seems strange that things don't happen at a slow constant rate, but rather pop up overnight.

At 28 weeks it felt like I had forever to go, but with ten weeks left I realize how much I have left to do and I am sure this time is going to just fly by. Kyle helped me rearrange furniture last weekend. We brought his desk down into our living room to free up space in our second bedroom for a nursery. But the room needs a serious deep clean, and (pending landlord approval) a couple coats of paint before I can start unpacking all the boxes of baby gear, and organizing tiny clothing and what have you. Lots to do.

to do

Hi blog.

I'm doing much better than I was the last time I posted. Still, though, this becoming a parent business is stressful. I've managed to feel pretty okay with the fact that I will soon have a baby, but the idea that I will soon be someone's mother is still hard to swallow. Yes, they sounds like the same thing, but really they are different, and the second is much harder for me.

I've finally stopped dragging my feet about finding a daycare, and called the local referral network today. We now have a list of providers to research and call and visit and omg. The consultant I spoke with on the phone was really wonderful and sweet, but that didn't stop me from crying when it hit me that someone else is going to be hanging out with my baby all day. Remind me not to wear mascara on my first day back to work. Or possibly ever again.

We also need to find a doctor for baby boy. We're leaning towards finding a family practitioner versus a pediatrician, especially since neither Kyle nor I have a doctor right now. Lots to do and only a few weeks left.