Let's pretend...

So this happened today:

I know he just looks like a normal almost three year old sitting on a train in a firefighter jacket and a viking hat, but that's just it: a normal almost three year old doing normal almost three year old things. This is the first time he has ever in his life played dress up. Ever. And he was pumped. And it was awesome. And I loved every second of it.

Pretend play and dramatization come up on the evaluations all the time, and it's just not something Tycho does. And it doesn't worry me too much, normally, because normally I don't look at milestone charts because I don't want to lose my mind, but combined with his lack of interest in drawing (especially drawing anything that he claims is an actual thing) and his disinterest in home-type toys like baby dolls or pretend food, it sits in the back of your head and makes you wonder.

So this was pretty incredible. I love you, my little viking firefighter train conductor.

Transition

Tomorrow is the beginning of the end.

Okay, perhaps that is just a tad dramatic. But when Tycho turns three in July he will age out of the birth-to-three early intervention program that he's in, and EI is transferred to the school district, and tomorrow we have out first transition meeting at his school with his therapists and the school district representatives and I am feeling nauseous for reasons other than just pregnancy.

I guess they have to officially tell us what's going on three months before his birthday, which means we start the eval process now. I honestly have no idea what will happen. I don't think he will qualify for services in speech anymore, but who knows in the other categories. I have really no idea what he is supposed to be doing right now anyway, according to the charts, because I haven't looked at them since we got him into his school. Because they are crazy-making.

I'm so nervous. I still feel super green when it comes to advocating for my kid and apparently it's even harder to qualify for services through the school district than it was for Boyer and I'm happy that he's made so much progress but I know he's not 100% caught up yet and he would so benefit and omg free preschool 5 days a week would be absolutely incredible for our family. At least we have everyone from Boyer there with us for these meetings to help us through. Whatever happens happens. And we are working on a preschool backup plan in the case that he doesn't get in, because school is just amazing for him. It will all be okay, I just wish it wasn't so hard.



Also, really, if preschool is so super beneficial and free public school is a basic right, then why the fuck isn't there free public preschool? For real.

The Best Thing

I have a lot of photo-heavy, low on content stuff to post what with Halloween and Trick or Treating and a trip to the zoo and his big boy haircut and our holiday family pictures, but that is all nothing compared to this.

Tycho talks.

Rocket science! You guys, I was so worried. My stomach was in knots for months as I was waiting and waiting and waiting, first for the language explosion that I was expecting that never came, and then to get him evaluated, and finally to actually get him placed into a program and start doing something. It was an emotional roller coaster, harder than I ever expected parenting to be, and a experience I never would have dreamed I would have.

The months ago Tycho could barely put two words together. He didn't have names for anyone or anything besides mama. He would lose old words every time a new word would appear. And we couldn't communicate effectively and we were all frustrated.

But now. Last night we were eating dinner and Tycho was sitting happily at the table say, "EAT FISH! EAT FISH! MORE FISH! PLEASE FISH!" while he ate. He uses rudimentary sentences. He has names now for Daddy and Arlo and his friend Selby at school and Lighting McQueen and Nemo and Dori and Thomas Train. He has new words every day. He supplies the word "feet" at the appropriate time when I sing him "Part of Your World" at bedtime. (And then he asks for "more song" and I sing him the reprise.) At our more recent trip to the zoo he said "lemur." He knows what a star fish is. I don't think I taught him that.

I am bursting with pride and happiness and gratitude and joy. Really and truly this is amazing and wonderful and I feel like we are able to know so much more of his delightful little personality now that he is able to share with us through his speech. When I think about where we are now and how far we've come I feel like a ball of energy and light. Euphoria. I can't even describe it.

We still have a ways to go but progress is being made and I couldn't be happier.

Updates

Oh hey, it's been a while. Things have been good, busy, the usual.

Well not the usual because we got Tycho into school so everything is actually completely different.

That first day was really hard. Really, really hard. I was so nervous about day two, but day two was... so much better? I mean, of course it was better, it would be hard to get worse, but it was a lot better, and every day he has been at school has been a lot better than the last and he is getting the routine down much faster than I thought he would.

Still ironing out some kinks, of course. His behavior is still erratic compared to the other kids in his class, and we are maybe switching his classroom so he'll be around kids closer in age or something and blah blah blah, but we're definitely secure in the feeling that this was the right thing to do, and Boyer was the right choice for a center, and that he is going to like school.

It helped that he all at once took interest in the other kids on day three. It helped immensely with transitions that THEY were all going and WHERE are they going and I want to go TOO. Perfect. And then lots of adorable boy-hugs, which usually turn into crashing on the the ground piles of arms and legs, but who doesn't love that.

Tycho is talking up a storm all of the sudden. It's hard to know, really, if a couple weeks of school and therapy are actually making a difference, or if he's just a late bloomer and he would be all chatty right now regardless, but I don't care. It's is wonderful. He's still not like, caught up, or anything, not even close, but more and more I feel like I am actually communicating with him and he is understanding me and he can tell me what he wants and we are once in a while on the same page and it makes everything so much easier and thank goodness for that. He has all these words and he started (finally!) saying "please" instead of signing and "peese" is my favorite thing ever, and he's starting to say rudimentary sentences like "want candy" (waaan cineee) with like, verbs and stuff and omg omg omg.

I just want to squeeeeeeeeze him.

Delay reaction

I can't believe I haven't posted about this yet. 

Well, I can, because as a parent your ego gets all wrapped up in milestones and your kid's behavior in public and so on, and because you love him so much that all you want to do is brag about the good things and maybe vent about the hard stuff, but you keep the darkness behind closed doors because feelings. But I'm pretty sure this is why I have a blog in the first place and I have way too many feels and need to put them somewhere. 

Tycho is... behind. I've had a feeling for a while. For a long time, actually. 

I mean, as a first time mom you're always hyper aware of milestones and obsessing over whether all his activities are enriching and educational and whatever and you feel guilty if you let him watch tv and you wonder when he doesn't roll over and you gloat when he smiles at only four weeks because even though it has nothing to do with you it feels like it has everything to do with you. 

At some point I banished those weekly babycenter emails with an inbox filter and it was good for me to just focus on my kid and what he was actually doing versus what some website hypothesized. But around 18 months I peeked in that folder for the first time in ages, and... panicked. He was supposed to have all these words and he didn't, not really anyway, and and and omg. All of these emotions hit me all at once and I was a ball of anxiety. But at his 18 month checkup the doctor said he was still within the range of normal, and we should wait and see how he was doing at two. 

I did really good with the wait and see. I backed off and I stopped reading those babycenter emails and I let Tycho just be Tycho and do things on his own time and be himself and stopped worrying. Or at least I stopped letting the worrying consume me. Wait and see, wait and see.

But two is fast approaching and that anxiety and worry is creeping back in and up my shoulders and around my neck and I'm paying close attention to my friends' children near his age and its become really clear that something just isn't right. 

Tycho still doesn't talk much.  He has some words, but not a lot more than he did six months ago, and some he was using regularly are all but gone now. He doesn't use most of his signs anymore. A two word phrase? Are you crazy? Communication with him sucks, to be perfectly honest. He is frustrated and I am frustrated and there are tears on both sides. He certainly hasn't had the language explosion that everyone talks about. There are other things too. He can't jump or walk down stairs. He doesn't pretend to talk on the phone or comb his hair. He never ever draws with crayons or stacks blocks.

I know it's not autism, though. He's definitely not on the spectrum. Eye contact and baby-flirting with strangers are his specialties. So that's good, I guess. 

But still, it's so hard. It's stupid, but I just kind of assumed that Kyle and I would produce a baby super genius. And we didn't and I don't know how to deal. Every post from one of my mama friends on Facebook bragging about their children's achievements feels like a personal affront. I want to brag about my kid, too, but I can't because he should have learned to use a spoon a year ago and it's not impressive anymore. 

When I do express concern, casually, to my mom or a friend I usually get shut down.  He's fine, he's perfect. But no, he's not and I want to be taken seriously because when everyone denies the possibility that he could be delayed I feel crazy and paranoid and helpless. 

I looked at the 24 months ASQ tonight, and he's under the cutoff in all categories to be evaluated. And even though that's bad, it's good too, because its validating. We'll take him to his two year checkup and we'll get a referral for a specialist and he'll be evaluated and we'll get him into EI and we'll get help and it will be good. And I am happy about that.