Week 23

Yesterday was 23 weeks. Yesterday was also my mother's birthday. I spent a very exciting evening with her eating finger foods and doing a puzzle. Not exactly heavy lifting, you know. But then when I got home I was having these horrible cramps. I thought maybe Braxton Hicks? But the hurt, like menstrual cramps, and Dr. Google diagnosed that as BAD NEWS. So I freaked out, obviously.

I called Kyle to COME HOME NOW from wherever he was out with friends because I couldn't handle it on my own at all. I couldn't be sure if it was okay to be worried or if I was being an insane paranoid hypochondriac or what. He was hesitant that I needed him, but when I started sobbing he said he was heading home.

I curled up in bed and cried. Curling up in bed helped with the pain, like it always has with my period, and by the time Kyle got home it had stopped. But I was still a mess and I wasn't sure if I should call and wake someone up in the middle of the night or not but how would I live with myself if anything happened? Kyle called the on call midwife for me and we decided things were probably okay if the cramping had subsided, and to keep an eye on things. But even after being reassured I just could not stop crying.

Today I felt much better after getting a full night's rest, so I went to the zoo with my mom as we had previously planned. We had a good trip. I love the zoo. I hope baby boy will love the zoo, too. Certainly we'll take him there often. But as the day progressed I started getting antsy again, because I hadn't felt him move all day. I wouldn't have been so worried under normal circumstances, but after the cramping episode last night... well I couldn't get it out of my head.

I ended up going to see my midwives after their last appointment of the day. Everything is peachy keen of course, and I'm feeling slightly stupid for being so worried, but I was SO. WORRIED. And while I'm no longer fearing any present danger, I can't shake this cloud that's hanging over me. I just don't know what I would do if something happened. It makes me feel physically ill.

I can't imagine this will get any easier once he is on the outside.

Cute and Tiny

This post will probably seem highly superficial, but for whatever reason this is really important to me: tiny baby stuffs. I've definitely passed some sort of milestone regarding bitty cotton things to clothe my son.

Things were starting to pile up. Gifts, mostly. I had no place for them. So there was a bag on my desk, some stuff on my dresser, a couple things in my underwear drawer, more in an otherwise empty suitcase in the hallway. I was starting to feel overwhelmed.

But I also wasn't yet feeling ready to deal with all the stuff. I don't think I had quite yet come to terms with the fact that in a few short months I'm going to have to be dressing a real live infant. Holy crap. Every time I would look at little sleepers and onsies at the store I would think to myself, "I don't need that." Yeah, pretty sure the exact opposite is true. And yes, I myself have purchased a few things, but impractical stuffs like twee motorcycle sweaters, more for myself than for actually clothing a tiny human.

Things clicked recently. I made the decision a while ago to avoid buying clothes in general because I know we'll be receiving a boat load of gifts, but I let myself go a little crazy, because it was the first time I was really ready to. A five pack of bodysuits helps me come to terms with motherhood, and yes that's silly, but it is what it is, and when I made these recent purchases I felt so much better about things.

However, in adding more stuff to my collection I think I reached my breaking point. Operation Organize had to go into effect. Step one was putting away all of my pre-pregnancy clothes. Talk about depressing. I have one half-filled drawer and a tiny fraction of my closet worth of clothing left. But it is what it is. Newly emptied dresser now has plenty of room for all this nonsense, so it is no longer cluttering up every room of my house or in danger of getting eaten/barfed on by a cat.

And I had a lot of silly hormonal fun going through all my tiny things!

Bunny slippers with rattles in the toes!

French dishes from my sister!

Itty bitty socks!

And now that everything is in one place I can pull things out and sigh to my little heart's desire. So basically, all the time. 

My drawer is surprisingly full already, though. I've got my first of at least four (four!) baby showers coming up in less than a month, and my mom's neighbor has a bunch of hand-me-downs for me to pick up. My mother specifically told me that said hand-me-down batch include two overalls. Because she knows how much I love tiny overalls. Overalls!  But yeah, we're going to have to find a better storage solution very soon.

OOPS!

Well, I went and took my 22 week picture and I was sure I made a lovely blog post about it, and then I come check here and oh. No. I didn't do that at all. Pregnancy brain, maybe? Well, here it is:

Now that I'm over being sick, things are awesome. My belly is quite literally bigger every day, and the most common reaction people have when they see me is OH MY GOD! Even if it's only been a couple days. I think that's a good sign. I'm definitely beyond looking like I might possibly just have a beer belly, and strangers (my customers) comment all the time, but so far only in a really nice complimentary or helpful way, and I haven't yet been the object of any undesired belly-rubs. Good good. I'm finally filling out my maternity clothing, and I'm feeling much more fashionable again. I am a little worried that nothing is going to fit in another month if everything is fitting now, especially if my belly keeps exploding at its current rate, but if so, oh well, we'll do more shopping.

I have quite a bit more on my mind that I'd like to get out here, but I'm still trying to compose my thoughts, but didn't want to leave forever between posts, so updates soon!

Week 21

Picture is not so fabulous today, because I'm still not feeling 100%, but whatever. The belly is... significant. It's been coming out of nowhere I feel like. I don't know why this is so surprising, but whenever I look in the mirror I'm like WHAT? Where did that come from! Maybe I will get used to it eventually.

I mentioned briefly in my last post that my navel is already doing freaky things. I feel like it's a little early for that sort of thing, but maybe since I have an outie already I get a head start? It hasn't completed it's outward journey yet, but it's starting to make a little progress, and my skin there feels very soft and... I don't know how to really describe it, except that it isn't how it normally is.

I really can't wait for Kyle to be able to feel the baby kicking. He laughs at me, because every time I feel a kick I will say something like "hello there!" I can't help it, but he thinks it's ridiculous, probably because it's so often and it's been going on for long enough that you would think it wouldn't be so novel anymore, but! Baby kicks! Amazing! Hello!

Today I bought tiny socks and yoga pants that actually fit, so even though I'm still sick I feel like it's been a success.

achoo.

So I was doing all fabulous and everything when I got hit with a motherfucker of a cold. They weren't kidding when they said this shit hits you harder in pregnancy. I spent all of yesterday and Sunday in bed. Eating chicken soup and drinking gatorade. I tried a goddamn neti pot I was so desperate. (It was effective, but disgusting.) This is serious business.

I'm glad I took it easy, something I rarely seem to do when I am sick, because I felt much better this morning. Good thing, as I had a midwife appointment. Standard. I am the most boring and uncomplicated patient ever, so my appointments are boring and uncomplicated, but I guess that's a good thing. I finally did gain some weight, though and I am officially on the plus side for the first time this pregnancy. Four pounds! Go me! They also had a little trouble finding my fundus because apparently my abs are so "rock hard." Hilarious and awesome at the same time.

However, it seems that the exertion of driving out to a belly-poking and helping my mother pick out a pair of glasses and eating a bagel was too much for me, because by the time I got home this afternoon I started feeling like I should probably lay down immediately. I did, as I am actually learning to listen to my body (hurray!), but at some point I had to run to the bathroom to vomit. Violently. Good grief. Clearly this is no longer morning sickness, and more likely just related to post-nasal drip, but really, I have barfed more than enough this pregnancy, thank-you-very-much.

The good news is that even though I've been sick, my appetite seems not to be suffering at all. Although all I want to eat lately is chocolate cake. I'm pretty sure you're supposed to crave food with actual nutrients in it, but what do I know.  I'm sure once this cold passes I'll be back to pregnancy-is-awesome-land. I could do without the freaky things that are happening to my navel, though.

Dizzy in the Noodle

So I kind of feel like Lesley Ann Warren as Cinderella in the 1965 made-for-TV Rodgers & Hammerstein production when everyone is home from the ball and she is waxing poetic to her step-sisters about how wonderful it all is. "What all is?" asks her step-mother.

This pregnancy thing is freaking amazing as all get out, I tell you. I keep writing these posts about how OMG, you guys, the baby is kicking FOR REAL this time! And then two days later I'm feeling like I should tell you more about these kicks because they are so much freaking better today than they were last time I posted you have got to try this!!

So at the risk of sounding like a broken record, omigoodness, I just love feeling him moving around. I'm feeling it all the time now, not just when I don't have other things to distract me, and it's more often than not real, discrete kicks instead of some vague wiggly feeling in my gut and holy cow I am in love.

The store I used to work at had kids and baby departments, but it was in the middle of downtown Seattle, and as such most people didn't bring their kids on shopping trips. Sure, there was always a munchkin or two, but nothing crazy. Certainly they were always outnumbered by mannequins. My new store is in a very family friendly suburban mall and out store is outfitted with a coloring table for the little ones and there is a parade of adorable (and sometimes appallingly behaved) children that come through our doors. Lately I've been watching the little boys. I'm going to have a son. I've never really imagined myself as a mother to a boy. A spitfire tomboy girl maybe, but for whatever reason, my imagination just didn't go there. So now I catch myself studying them. Will he be like that? Can I handle that? What have I gotten myself into?

But it always comes back to how wonderful it all is!

Obligatory 20 Weeks Post

I ought to have posted this yesterday when I was in fact exactly 20 weeks pregnant, but I was busy doing other stuff and then all of the sudden  it wasn't yesterday anymore, so oh well. Anyway, half way point, yay, etc.