OOPS!

Well, I went and took my 22 week picture and I was sure I made a lovely blog post about it, and then I come check here and oh. No. I didn't do that at all. Pregnancy brain, maybe? Well, here it is:

Now that I'm over being sick, things are awesome. My belly is quite literally bigger every day, and the most common reaction people have when they see me is OH MY GOD! Even if it's only been a couple days. I think that's a good sign. I'm definitely beyond looking like I might possibly just have a beer belly, and strangers (my customers) comment all the time, but so far only in a really nice complimentary or helpful way, and I haven't yet been the object of any undesired belly-rubs. Good good. I'm finally filling out my maternity clothing, and I'm feeling much more fashionable again. I am a little worried that nothing is going to fit in another month if everything is fitting now, especially if my belly keeps exploding at its current rate, but if so, oh well, we'll do more shopping.

I have quite a bit more on my mind that I'd like to get out here, but I'm still trying to compose my thoughts, but didn't want to leave forever between posts, so updates soon!

It's a...

BOY!

(Perhaps I shouldn't have posted that picture here, but oh well.) Yes, he's a him. Very unsurprising results, as everyone we know guessed that's what we were having. I felt like he was a boy early on, but as we got closer to finding out I felt less certain. But now we know. And, as you can see from the picture, we pretty darn sure.

I feel great. Honestly, I had no real preference, besides some superficial nonsense, but those things fell on both sides anyway. I can't say I was surprised, though. Yesterday when we found out I felt a little down, not because of the results, but just because I feel like everything is going by so quickly and I don't feel ready to be a parent yet and have him on the outside, and every milestone we pass reminds me how fleeting this time is.

Today I feel much better. I've had a chance to sit a while with the new normal, and knowing this, and BABY BOY I LOVE YOU! He has a pronoun and a NAME and we saw all of his fingers and toes and just wow. The doctor said he looks absolutely perfect, and all of his bone measurements were coming out a couple days to a week ahead. They said he weighs 10 ounces (plus or minus two), and my weekly email said he should be about 8.5, so he's clearly a healthy kid. And, goodness! The fingers and toes!

I'm getting bigger, too. My bella band is starting to not quite cut it, and I'm really going to need to invest in some maternity jeans soon. I was hoping to avoid maternity pants altogether, but clearly that was a pipe dream. I have picked up some more pieces, though, so I don't feel like getting dressed every morning is the hardest thing I've ever had to do any more, but I'm still not quite to a working wardrobe.

19 Weeks

I'm also getting tired of everyone telling me how small I am or how I barely have a belly. I know I am small. I started out little, of course I'm not going to be huge now. But I'm certainly very much bigger than I was 15 weeks ago when I took my first belly photo, and I'm the perfect size for where I am in my pregnancy. I would love for this to be acknowledged. I guess soon enough everyone will being telling me how huge I am and OMG what do you mean you have another two months left!? and that will irritate me too.

Kyle is of course thrilled to be having a son. He was definitely prepared for the possibility of a girl, and wouldn't have been disappointed or anything, but he certainly feels more confident about being father to a boy. He's been so excited to tell everyone, and it's the first time he's really been shouting from the rooftops about any of that, and it makes me so happy to see.

21 weeks until we meet our perfect adorable son. OMG!

Where the hell did my butt go?

So, I think I'm feeling the second trimester awesomeness now. I don't feel like barfing, but I'm not huge and unwieldy yet. My appetite is back, thank goodness, and most things taste pretty good. I'm finally starting to look sorta kinda maybe pregnant, although I'd be happier if I didn't also sorta kinda maybe look like I have a beer belly. However, I still have to pee all the damn time, or possibly even more often, even though the internet said my bladder should calm down, and I'm still so freaking tired and need like fourteen hours of sleep a night to feel well rested, and that happens pretty much never, so yeah. But still, pretty good.

I also hear (well, read) that I should be able to feel baby move soon, but I haven't quite been able to will that to happen yet. I spend a lot of time concentrating on my abdomen and trying to feel it, but I don't think it works that way. I am trying to be patient, and I think I'm doing as good a job as can be expected, you know, for perhaps the most momentous thing so far, but it's haaaaaaard.

Tuesday brought another prenatal appointment, so now I have met all three of the midwives at my practice. I do have a favorite, but I am happy with them all, which is good, since you don't really get to pick who will be on call when you go into labor. I brought my mother with me to see the birth center, and she was happy. I gained back four of the five and a half pounds I lost, and my uterus is in the right place, blah blah blah normal perfect wonderful. I feel like we should be doing more at these visits, but when you're pretty much complication free there's not much to do. I probably shouldn't complain about that.

 

As of Wednesday we're at seventeen weeks. No pictures of my cute outfit, because I forgot to take pictures until I got home from yoga. However, as cute as outfit was, it was made up entirely of pre-pregnancy clothing, and as such, was only cute when I was standing perfectly still. Once I moved at all everything rode up or fell down or just generally looked awkward and askew and I spent all day readjusting everything and it sucked. I have now acquired a few maternity pieces, but nothing even close to a functional wardrobe, and I really need to get on it. Beyond being impractical and annoying, things are getting downright uncomfortable, and perhaps worse, unflattering, and ugh. Shopping shopping shopping. 

As much as I love shopping, I don't really spend all that much money on clothing. I mean, I do, but not all at once. In general, I buy stuff that has longevity, and I wear my clothes for years, until long past when I should probably get rid of them, so having to buy a lot of stuff all at once, that I can't even wear for very long is super difficult for me. I guess I just have to get over it, though.

We now have our appointment for our next ultrasound, where we'll find out if baby is a he or a she. I've thought about it long and hard,  and I really, truly have no preference, but still I'm really excited to KNOW anything more that we can know about baby. I'm excited for it to stop be an IT. We've been working on names, and I think knowing more about who we're naming is going to make it so much easier to talk about. And I just can't wait to see baby again, because OMG! BABY!

Sixteen

Little Belly!

As of yesterday, we've made it to sixteen weeks. I'm not really counting the days so much anymore; the weeks are all starting to run together. July 13th feels like it's right around the corner, and there's so much to do! One thing I'm not loving about pregnancy is that there is always some decision to panic about. And boy do I panic. Because every decision is also the most important one I've ever had to make. This is MY BABY we're talking about. It's not like buying a new pair of shoes or getting a hair cut, or really anything I've ever had to do before, and the (mostly self-imposed) pressure of the decisions mixed with pregnancy hormones and my already overly neurotic nature is running me ragged. I cry a lot. Kyle plays the good husband and tells me everything will be fine, but honestly, I don't want to hear that everything will be fine unless that statement is accompanied with information proving it to be true.

The other day I was chatting with BFF (she is pregnant too, a couple weeks behind me, but shh, don't tell), and she mentioned that she had registered for her child birth class recently. Wait, what? Already? Oh yes, she says. Her midwife asked her what class she was taking at her 12 week appointment and that apparently got her going on it. What? At  MY 12 week appointment, with that very same midwife, I expressed concern (i.e. freaked out), about not getting things (birth classes, pediatrician picking, etc.) done on time, and she assured me that they would let me know at each appointment what I should be working on. Or not, I guess. So I start looking. The teacher most highly recommended by my birth center... well her class is already full. Shit. In the end we found a class that we are happy with, and we registered this afternoon, but OMG stress! However, I should tell you, that we are taking our birth class from none other than Penny Simkin herself. How awesome is that? I have now moved on to stressing about daycare. Oh, daycare. But my stress surrounding day care is probably more than enough for it's own post.

I'm also starting to feel quite a bit better about the whole maternity fashion thing. (Is it vain to talk about this so often?) I still don't quite look pregnant, unless you're looking from the exact right angle, and my posture is just so, and you knew what I looked like before, etc. etc. And feeling like you look fat instead of pregnant isn't any good. But I've been able to find a few more good pieces here and there and I don't feel like I am wearing the same tee shirt every day, so that is good. I still need to do a lot more work to build a functional wardrobe, but it probably be and ongoing process, especially since I'm sure some of the stuff that fits me now won't anymore later. BFF and I have a date this weekend to visit every maternity store in the Seattle metropolitan area, so that should be good, I think.

In other news, Kyle and I did venture to the local (well, it's really in another city) Babies 'R Us to start our registry. There are only maybe ten things on it as of right now, since we actually have to research car seats and strollers and bottles and what kind of baby grooming kit we want, but I feel better knowing that we've at least started it and that I've exposed Kyle to the sheer masses of stuff that we don't necessarily need, but that is available to make our lives easier (or perhaps more difficult) with a baby. And I'm slowly acquiring information and knowledge about car seats and strollers, so the volume of choices is starting to feel not entirely overwhelming, and I'm beginning to feel relatively confident that we'll actually be able to make a decision we feel confident before the baby turns two.

15/40

Hello, blog! I'm still here. Fifteen weeks and one day pregnant. This experience just gets weirder and weirder I think. I'm pretty sure my body is changing by the day at this point, and it always looks different in the evening than I remember it looking in the morning. Bizarre. My belly is still not cute and round and obviously pregnant looking, but it's changed enough the even Kyle clearly notices the difference, and that's saying a lot, since as far as he is concerned, I've been the same size for the last six years. Definitely not so accurate. But yeah. This is getting real now. No needing to arch the back to emphasize it.

I'm really happy that baby is doing good growing in there, and that I'm finally seeing some obvious changes, but like, fashion-wise, belly is not making me very happy. Yesterday I wore the one stylish maternity shirt that I have out to trivia night with some friends, and instead of looking cute-pregnant, I'm pretty sure I just looked like I was awkward, chubby, and trying to hide it. Blah. And since it's less uterus, and more internal organs pushed out of the way by uterus, it's still kind of squishy and not hard and round and bleh. And the fact that I have approximately four things that I can fit into, most of which are boring as all hell, doesn't really make me feel any better about this.

But otherwise, I'm doing pretty good. I seem to have gotten over the barfing thing (finally!), although I do still sometimes feel queasy, but not in a yakking-is-imminent kind of way. I am still, though, tired all the time. I think maybe more than I had been previously. And my appetite still hasn't 100% returned. I'm trying to make myself eat so that I can gain back the 5.5 pounds I've lost, but eating when you're not hungry or find everything completely unappetizing is not fun, nor does it really promote a healthy attitude towards food. At least now I'm eating a wider variety of things than just bread, but hopefully soon I will like eating again.

I'm also finding that my center of gravity is already shifting, and I'm a bit more tippy than normal. This wouldn't be such a big deal, I don't think, except for that I spend a lot of my time wearing really tall heels or climbing ladders, or both. This morning we were putting up new displays and I almost lost my balance a couple times in the window. I think I'm going to have to start delegating that part of my job. And just being more careful in general, probably. A lot of my work seems to put me in precarious positions, and I really ought to be more mindful of myself.

Stuff!

I went shopping today. For maternity clothes. Wahoo? Found an Old Navy store with a Maternity section, but boy was the selection there dismal. (There are a couple other stores in the area that have Maternity, so I will try my luck there next.) And wow I hate shopping. Which is strange, because I normally love shopping. My mother likes to call me a fashionista, which drives me nuts, but it's kind of true, so this was a weird experience. I still don't really NEED maternity, and I'm not buying pants for as long as I can help it (or at all, if I can manage), but my pre-pregnancy wardrobe is, shall we say body-conscious (aka TIGHT) and therefore 95% of my tops are now too short and awkward and terrible. So I need some interim, sorta-pregnant clothes. The trip wasn't totally a bust. I got two super long camisoles and a couple of plain v-neck tees and a couple of black dresses, which look like they will be able to fit a substantial belly. But the whole lot is black, gray, and white, completely unembellished, and utterly boring. Fine for basics and layering pieces, which is what they are, but I need fun things, too, and I have no idea where to find that. It seems that maternity clothing seems to all be basics. And the whole, everything is too big for my boobs thing seems to be doubly true with maternity clothes. Anything I tried on that seemed like it would be able to fit me when I'm big was gaping ridiculously in the bust and at the arms. So hopefully I fill out at some point. Blah. But I did pretty good, since all of that, plus a t-shirt for hubby cost me under $60 with employee discounts and sales and all that, so I guess I can't be bummed. I think my next stop will be target, and also buying buttloads of stuff online and returning most of it, because it seems like all the interesting pieces and colors are online-only. Boo.

Anyway, it turns out the Old Navy the I went to was across the street from a Babies 'R Us, and I had some extra time so... why not? Actually, Kyle agreed to go with me to one next weekend to freak ourselves out and whatever, but I figured it couldn't hurt for me to get a head start so we're not both completely overwhelmed on that trip. And goodness, overwhelmed I was. I have no clue what I need or want or why I should even care about this or that feature, and holy crap all this shit costs a lot of money. I mean, I guess that is why God invented the internet and everything, but how does everyone else even deal? Or maybe while I was reading every thing I could get my hands on about pregnancy and natural childbirth, all the other girls were researching travel systems and pack 'n plays and diaper genies. I don't know. I guess we'll figure it out.

So we're going to go and freak out and hopefully bring Kyle one step closer to actually realizing that we'll be the proud owners of a real live infant six months from now. And probably start a registry because first great grandchild! On three of four sides! People are already buying me shit! And because I am a materialistic American, and registering is fun and I will not apologize for that.

Sorry for the really lame post.

Hello, Second Trimester!

So I'm fourteen weeks today and diving in to my second trimester. Cowabunga! My body is definitely changing. Most people who see me are like what, no, you're still impossibly tiny!, which is silly since I was never impossibly tiny to begin with (pre-pregnancy I was probably a size six), but okay. I'm definitely bigger for me, even if OMG BELLY! for me is someone else's normal.

I am definitely going to need to do some shopping soon, for things that will tide me over for the next few months. I did buy one maternity shirt yesterday when I was visiting my old store which has a Maternity section, but I'm not loving the stuff we're selling right now, and the in-store selection is pretty dismal. I'm going to have to have an online shopping extravaganza, I guess. I'm not even especially attached to things having a maternity specific label or anything, but the silhouettes that are coming out for spring are really not going to be flattering on a pregnant body. If only I have been pregnant a year ago when everything was blouse-y and tunic-y. Oh well. I have also heard the advice to just size up in regular clothes, but I'm not sure if that will work for me. I already have problems with tops that fit me elsewhere being huge and gaping in the chest area since I'm so flat, so going up a size seems like a wardrobe malfunction just waiting to happen, since my boobs still haven't gotten any bigger than they ever were. Blah. At least I will be doing the big parts of my pregnancy in the spring and summer. Dresses dresses dresses, I am sure. I'm super glad I'm not all huge now. Being heavily pregnant and having to worry about coats and things sounds like a nightmare.

Like a kid on Christmas Eve...

So you know how the night before something exciting, like your first day at a new job, or say, a trip to visit your sister in France you don't feel like sleeping and you say it's like you're a kid on Christmas Eve? Yeah, I just had that thought. And then I remembered that it is in fact Christmas Eve.

I haven't really been feeling very festive this year. We didn't do any decorating, since leaving three cats alone in our house with a Christmas tree seemed like a poor choice. I'm not exchanging a ton of gifts with people this year, either, and what I'm getting will be for the most part purchased in Paris, so I haven't really done that either. Combine that with the stress of working in retail during the holiday season, and well, you wouldn't be feeling so jolly either.

It's Christmas Eve and I'm sitting in bed waiting for my nail polish to dry before I go to bed. Kyle is out getting a beer with a friend. We had mac and cheese for dinner. It's very unChristmas-y. And tomorrow we are taking the bus to the airport. Wahoo. We don't actually make it into Paris until the 26th, but the family is holding off on the festivities until we get there. So that is nice.

My dad's favorite cousin and his wife are also joining us for a few days in Paris, and I'm really excited to tell them about my pregnancy. When they saw my sister in November (right when I found out), they were asking her if I was going to do the baby thing soon, so they'll be excited. And it's pretty amazing to be able to tell the in person, since the last time we saw each other was at my wedding.

I'm itching to announce it. Now that we've made it this far, there's no point in spoiling the surprise before we get that ultrasound done in January when we get back, but I'm ready to be out. I feel lately like everything in my life relates back to this, and I'm finding it difficult just to carry on normal conversations with people for fear of letting something slip. And the whole growing belly thing is clearly going to become an issue soon. (I went through all my dresses trying to find something appropriate for going out in Paris and nothing fit!) But we'll be able to be out with family this week in Paris, and then we only have a few days after we get back before we can tell everyone. Ready ready ready.

Seven!

 

Seven weeks today! That's starting to sound like a reasonable length of pregnancy. I don't know why, but for some reason, saying I'm four or five weeks pregnant sounds ridiculous, but seven is getting to a place where it makes sense.

Anyway, tomorrow is Thanksgiving, my very favorite of the holidays. As a non-religious person, it's nice to celebrate a holiday that wasn't originally a churchy thang. I like Christmas as much as the next girl, but often all the Jesus talk will make me uncomfortable. And of course, religious people do bring their faith into Thanksgiving, and thank God for the bounteous meal, I suppose, but really, God doesn't have to have a thing to do with it, if you don't want, and that is nice for me and my family. Also, Thanksgiving is on or near my birthday and I like things associated with my birthday. And it's all about food. What could be bad about that?

I'm a little worried about actually making it to the festivities this year. There is still snow (and ice!) on the ground, and it's expected to snow again tomorrow. And my parents live on the tippy-top of a big tall hill. Whatever. Pregnant or not, I will walk up the hill if the alternative is no stuffing.

I might wear the maternity leggings my mother in law got me tomorrow under my dress if they will stay up. Obviously, I don't need the yet, but waistbands have been driving me crazy lately, and I can imagine that will only be made worse when I am stuffing myself full of food. We'll see.

So happy Thanksgiving, everyone! I have a lot to be thankful for right now, and I hope you all do, too.

25

Today is my 25th birthday. To be honest, I don't get very worked up about my birthday. The last time I had a party was when I turned 21. According to our original plans, baby-making wasn't going to start in earnest until at least this coming January, and so I wanted to go out with a bang, so to speak, and throw myself a big bash for my last birthday before babies. But here is my 25th birthday and I am pregnant. And I am so glad. Really, I kind of hate birthday parties to begin with. They are fine to attend, yes, but the organizing and cooking and baking and hostessing I could really live without. Someone could throw me a birthday party and that would be wonderful, but like hell am I doing it for myself.

Today was also supposed to be my very first prenatal appointment with the midwives at the birth center Kyle and I visited a couple weeks ago. But with the snow, no such luck. They called me this morning to reschedule, which was fine, because I was about to call them for the same reason. But it is kind of disappointing. I was looking forward to this, and all the other things that make this pregnancy feel more real. I haven't even confirmed that I am in fact pregnant with an actual medical professional. Just my two home pregnancy tests and a host of symptoms. I don't really feel like I need to, but... I don't know. I just want to get going on everything, and the snow is getting in the way.

Otherwise, though, my birthday has been wonderful. Kyle made me breakfast this morning, even thought the waffles were only of the frozen variety it was still sweet, especially since he got up hours before he would otherwise to feed hungry wife and embryo. Yesterday I got a package in the mail from my mother-in-law. We said we weren't doing birthday or Christmas gifts this year with his family, but she sent me one anyway. Maternity clothes. A little premature, of course, but also completely thoughtful and adorable. I'm glad she's as excited about this as I am. And the stuff she picked out is completely my style. It will be nice to have around, I imagine, when all of the sudden nothing fits and I haven't had a chance to really shop for my new wardrobe.

That's it, I guess, for all this birthday business. This post was supposed to be a lot more exciting, what with the appointment business, but acts of god, you know. I will say that twenty four was pretty much the best year so far. My biggest wish of the last five or so years finally came true. And I have it on good authority that twenty five will be even better.