Low Risk Again

I suppose I should update after that last post, yeah? I'm sure you all are hanging on the edge of your seats. Or not.


Anyway, everything is good. I did any excellent job of NOT PANICKING up until the night before my follow-up ultrasound. Pretty good for me, especially when I'm all hopped up on pregnancy hormones. Omphalocele is gone and we're back to being boring and normal, low-risk, etc., which is exactly where I would like to be. Exhale.


Pregnancy is otherwise boring. Which is good. And honestly, this time around I don't end up thinking about it much because I don't really have the time, with a full time job and a toddler. However, things seem to be taking a bigger physical toll on me this time. I'm still not obviously pregnant, but I already feel like I'm harboring a bowling ball that is ready to roll out of my abdomen at any moment. I'm sleeping terribly. I'm already getting a little heartburn, and my morning sickness hasn't even gone away yet. I still don't like food. And I had my first pee-sneeeze the other day, which I'm pretty sure didn't happen with my previous pregnancy until I hit my due date. I had to lay down on the kitchen floor in the middle of slicing up some strawberries for Tycho today because I felt like I was going to pass out. I'm a little afraid I'm just going to skip that happy place 2nd trimester having energy and feeling good phase altogether. Hopefully we get there soon.

So.

We had our NT scan yesterday. My baby is... not perfect?

Mostly everything was good. The NT stuff is totally fine, and I'm not expecting the bloodwork to say anything different. Baby appears to have all the appropriate parts and appendages. But baby also still has some intestinal bits left on the outside. We were probably just a little earlier (especially since my midwives moved up my due date and I still think they're wrong), and most likely things will resolve themselves here shortly, but it's weird being in this place where things aren't quite right. I go back in two weeks to recheck, and I'm really not worried at all, but I still feel weird that I can't say everything is perfect because everything is not perfectly perfect. Hopefully it will be again soon.

Overdue

I've been putting off writing this post,  as it feels a bit like admitting defeat, but here I am. Still no baby. My due date has come and gone and nothing really has changed much. Baby boy shows no signs of being ready or willing to come out ever.

40 weeks, this past Wednesday

I am.... barely holding it together. There are lots of tears. LOTS. I think I am dehydrating myself from crying so much, actually. I have a wicked headache this morning. I'm trying to rein it in and get more fluids in me, you know, in case I have the occasion to need to buttload of energy in the near future, but I'm really no match for my hormones and emotions right now. Yesterday Kyle decided that an hour of hysterical wife sobbing was a reasonable excuse not to go into the office and took me to lunch instead. And before he went out in the evening for baseball-related activities, he had me invite myself over for dinner at my parents. They thought it was hilarious that he was having them "babysit" me, but it was probably for the best, since I likely would have otherwise sat at home in the dark crying. Yes, I know I am pathetic.

I also got myself a Frappaccino yesterday afternoon and walked around the lake listening to my labor playlist, and it was very nice. 2.8 miles and it only took me an hour and twenty minutes. It was actually lovely, even though it started raining a couple times. The headphones means that no one talked to me and I got to get some alone time without it making me feel depressed and isolated and helpless. And you know, the walking thing, that's supposed to help, right? I think it's going to be a regular afternoon activity for me until baby boy decides to show up.

My sister is also back from France now. She got in Wednesday night. I'm happy she's here, of course, but I was really hoping to have a baby before she got here, so I haven't been as joyful about it as I perhaps should be. I love my sister, but she can be somewhat emotionally draining for me, and I'm spread thin already as it is. And she doesn't understand why I am so short and so angry and so quick to fly off the handle, that I'm not really ready to spend a lot of time with her quite yet. Unfortunate.

I really want to have a baby soon. If I make it to my next appointment on Thursday I have to have a non-stress test and we'll sweep my membranes and schedule an ultrasound and I really want no part of any of it. Please please please please please let me have a baby first.

It's a...

BOY!

(Perhaps I shouldn't have posted that picture here, but oh well.) Yes, he's a him. Very unsurprising results, as everyone we know guessed that's what we were having. I felt like he was a boy early on, but as we got closer to finding out I felt less certain. But now we know. And, as you can see from the picture, we pretty darn sure.

I feel great. Honestly, I had no real preference, besides some superficial nonsense, but those things fell on both sides anyway. I can't say I was surprised, though. Yesterday when we found out I felt a little down, not because of the results, but just because I feel like everything is going by so quickly and I don't feel ready to be a parent yet and have him on the outside, and every milestone we pass reminds me how fleeting this time is.

Today I feel much better. I've had a chance to sit a while with the new normal, and knowing this, and BABY BOY I LOVE YOU! He has a pronoun and a NAME and we saw all of his fingers and toes and just wow. The doctor said he looks absolutely perfect, and all of his bone measurements were coming out a couple days to a week ahead. They said he weighs 10 ounces (plus or minus two), and my weekly email said he should be about 8.5, so he's clearly a healthy kid. And, goodness! The fingers and toes!

I'm getting bigger, too. My bella band is starting to not quite cut it, and I'm really going to need to invest in some maternity jeans soon. I was hoping to avoid maternity pants altogether, but clearly that was a pipe dream. I have picked up some more pieces, though, so I don't feel like getting dressed every morning is the hardest thing I've ever had to do any more, but I'm still not quite to a working wardrobe.

19 Weeks

I'm also getting tired of everyone telling me how small I am or how I barely have a belly. I know I am small. I started out little, of course I'm not going to be huge now. But I'm certainly very much bigger than I was 15 weeks ago when I took my first belly photo, and I'm the perfect size for where I am in my pregnancy. I would love for this to be acknowledged. I guess soon enough everyone will being telling me how huge I am and OMG what do you mean you have another two months left!? and that will irritate me too.

Kyle is of course thrilled to be having a son. He was definitely prepared for the possibility of a girl, and wouldn't have been disappointed or anything, but he certainly feels more confident about being father to a boy. He's been so excited to tell everyone, and it's the first time he's really been shouting from the rooftops about any of that, and it makes me so happy to see.

21 weeks until we meet our perfect adorable son. OMG!

Where the hell did my butt go?

So, I think I'm feeling the second trimester awesomeness now. I don't feel like barfing, but I'm not huge and unwieldy yet. My appetite is back, thank goodness, and most things taste pretty good. I'm finally starting to look sorta kinda maybe pregnant, although I'd be happier if I didn't also sorta kinda maybe look like I have a beer belly. However, I still have to pee all the damn time, or possibly even more often, even though the internet said my bladder should calm down, and I'm still so freaking tired and need like fourteen hours of sleep a night to feel well rested, and that happens pretty much never, so yeah. But still, pretty good.

I also hear (well, read) that I should be able to feel baby move soon, but I haven't quite been able to will that to happen yet. I spend a lot of time concentrating on my abdomen and trying to feel it, but I don't think it works that way. I am trying to be patient, and I think I'm doing as good a job as can be expected, you know, for perhaps the most momentous thing so far, but it's haaaaaaard.

Tuesday brought another prenatal appointment, so now I have met all three of the midwives at my practice. I do have a favorite, but I am happy with them all, which is good, since you don't really get to pick who will be on call when you go into labor. I brought my mother with me to see the birth center, and she was happy. I gained back four of the five and a half pounds I lost, and my uterus is in the right place, blah blah blah normal perfect wonderful. I feel like we should be doing more at these visits, but when you're pretty much complication free there's not much to do. I probably shouldn't complain about that.

 

As of Wednesday we're at seventeen weeks. No pictures of my cute outfit, because I forgot to take pictures until I got home from yoga. However, as cute as outfit was, it was made up entirely of pre-pregnancy clothing, and as such, was only cute when I was standing perfectly still. Once I moved at all everything rode up or fell down or just generally looked awkward and askew and I spent all day readjusting everything and it sucked. I have now acquired a few maternity pieces, but nothing even close to a functional wardrobe, and I really need to get on it. Beyond being impractical and annoying, things are getting downright uncomfortable, and perhaps worse, unflattering, and ugh. Shopping shopping shopping. 

As much as I love shopping, I don't really spend all that much money on clothing. I mean, I do, but not all at once. In general, I buy stuff that has longevity, and I wear my clothes for years, until long past when I should probably get rid of them, so having to buy a lot of stuff all at once, that I can't even wear for very long is super difficult for me. I guess I just have to get over it, though.

We now have our appointment for our next ultrasound, where we'll find out if baby is a he or a she. I've thought about it long and hard,  and I really, truly have no preference, but still I'm really excited to KNOW anything more that we can know about baby. I'm excited for it to stop be an IT. We've been working on names, and I think knowing more about who we're naming is going to make it so much easier to talk about. And I just can't wait to see baby again, because OMG! BABY!

Sick Again

I had only just recovered from Parisian stomach flu, and now I have a nasty cold. I have been in bed all day today, so I feel much less terrible, but I had thought I would be okay at work yesterday, too, but all the standing up, and like, thinking was too much for my poor little body, and I ended up leaving several hours early.

Speaking of work, it's so hard lately. Not physically or mentally, but omigosh, I cannot stand being around all the baby clothes. I mean, I can stand it and they are adorable and I love them, but the cuteness combined with my hormones makes me all teary and useless. But now that we've announced the pregnancy I'm actually able to buy baby things without making my coworkers suspicious, so I went baby shopping. We make so few unisex items, which is probably good because I don't need to spend tons of money on impractical baby apparel, but shopping! It's what I do best! And I can't buy anything for me right now because I don't need maternity yet, really, but I don't want to buy anything that fits me now, but will only be wearable for a month. Anyway, this is what I got. It is adorable and I love it and actually making a baby purchase for the first time feels like a super big deal to me.

(Now you know where I work. I wasn't planning on sharing that information in my blog, but it's pretty much inevitable to come out because FASHION!!!! I don't think it's going to matter so much since all of two people actually read my blog, and I generally have pretty good things to say about my company in general, but blah blah disclaimer I don't speak for Gap, etc.)

I'm really relieved that my pregnancy is out in the open now. I definitely wasn't ready to tell until we did, but as soon as we had out ultrasound I wanted everyone to know.  It definitely feels awkward for me to tell people in person, but fortunately I didn't have to for most people. Just some coworkers that I'm not friends with one Facebook, and my Grandpa, and surely I can suck it up for him. Kyle called his grandparents, and we emailed our extended families, gave them a day to make sure they read it all, and then told everyone else over Facebook. I was all sweaty and clammy and anxious in the hour after my email and Facebook posting waiting for comments, but now it's all done, and people are excited and I feel great, and I hope I don't turn into that obnoxious person who can't talk about anything else because so few of my peers are in the same life stage as me (so I guess they aren't really my peers so much anymore?), but I probably will be and oh well.

Otherwise, things are pretty good. We had another midwife appointment last week as well, and got back the numbers from our bloodwork. Normal, of course. Awesome. However, what's not awesome is the results that came back from my last prenatal. I'm borderline low on iron, and like, pathetically dismal for vitamin D. They sent me off to find obscure liquid supplements, which I've been taking dutifully, so hopefully thing will start looking up in those departments.

OMGOMGOMG

So, I was totally going to have some big update post about the rest of our Paris trip, but that's going to have to wait until later because we had our first ultrasound today and I cannot possibly write about anything else.

Oh. My. God. It was amazing! I was so anxious leading up to our appointment today. I woke up at 3:30 and I couldn't get back to sleep. I wasn't able to eat anything and felt terribly queasy to the point where I had to sit down on the bathroom floor for a couple of minutes in the middle of putting on my makeup. I know that we're pretty much the lowest risk pregnancy ever, but ugh. I can't help but imagine what could go wrong, especially after years of reading infertility blogs. I was having nightmares about spontaneous triplets.

But baby was perfect. I've only ever seen pictures from ultrasounds before, so I wasn't expecting to see the baby move so much--I don't know why, since it seems obvious that baby would be moving, but it surprised me. That was the best part, I think. Baby was waving arms around everywhere, and probably getting in the way of what the tech was trying to look at or measure, but I thought it was wonderful.

When we first heard the heartbeat all I could do was laugh, which of course messed everything up, so we had to start over.  I'm glad that I didn't get all sobby, and instead I was all giggly and bouncy and HAPPY and OH MY GOODNESS CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? Kyle is a little more (aHEM) subdued about his excitement, but when he isn't trying to check his email or Facebook updates on his iPhone every two minutes, it means he's pretty damn interested in whatever else is going on.

Anyhow, we're now waiting on the results of our blood test, but they told us today that the nuchal translucency measurements looked really good, and they put our risk of Downs at 1 in 4700 (down from about 1 in 1000 based on just our ages), and that they don't expect the blood testing to result in anything funky. So yeah. I can breath a little bit now.

We got to keep a DVD of the whole thing, and we are supposed to bring it back to any other ultrasounds so they can add onto it. I'm pretty sure I'm going to watch it every day, at least until we do our anatomy scan at 20 weeks.