15/40

Hello, blog! I'm still here. Fifteen weeks and one day pregnant. This experience just gets weirder and weirder I think. I'm pretty sure my body is changing by the day at this point, and it always looks different in the evening than I remember it looking in the morning. Bizarre. My belly is still not cute and round and obviously pregnant looking, but it's changed enough the even Kyle clearly notices the difference, and that's saying a lot, since as far as he is concerned, I've been the same size for the last six years. Definitely not so accurate. But yeah. This is getting real now. No needing to arch the back to emphasize it.

I'm really happy that baby is doing good growing in there, and that I'm finally seeing some obvious changes, but like, fashion-wise, belly is not making me very happy. Yesterday I wore the one stylish maternity shirt that I have out to trivia night with some friends, and instead of looking cute-pregnant, I'm pretty sure I just looked like I was awkward, chubby, and trying to hide it. Blah. And since it's less uterus, and more internal organs pushed out of the way by uterus, it's still kind of squishy and not hard and round and bleh. And the fact that I have approximately four things that I can fit into, most of which are boring as all hell, doesn't really make me feel any better about this.

But otherwise, I'm doing pretty good. I seem to have gotten over the barfing thing (finally!), although I do still sometimes feel queasy, but not in a yakking-is-imminent kind of way. I am still, though, tired all the time. I think maybe more than I had been previously. And my appetite still hasn't 100% returned. I'm trying to make myself eat so that I can gain back the 5.5 pounds I've lost, but eating when you're not hungry or find everything completely unappetizing is not fun, nor does it really promote a healthy attitude towards food. At least now I'm eating a wider variety of things than just bread, but hopefully soon I will like eating again.

I'm also finding that my center of gravity is already shifting, and I'm a bit more tippy than normal. This wouldn't be such a big deal, I don't think, except for that I spend a lot of my time wearing really tall heels or climbing ladders, or both. This morning we were putting up new displays and I almost lost my balance a couple times in the window. I think I'm going to have to start delegating that part of my job. And just being more careful in general, probably. A lot of my work seems to put me in precarious positions, and I really ought to be more mindful of myself.

Stuff!

I went shopping today. For maternity clothes. Wahoo? Found an Old Navy store with a Maternity section, but boy was the selection there dismal. (There are a couple other stores in the area that have Maternity, so I will try my luck there next.) And wow I hate shopping. Which is strange, because I normally love shopping. My mother likes to call me a fashionista, which drives me nuts, but it's kind of true, so this was a weird experience. I still don't really NEED maternity, and I'm not buying pants for as long as I can help it (or at all, if I can manage), but my pre-pregnancy wardrobe is, shall we say body-conscious (aka TIGHT) and therefore 95% of my tops are now too short and awkward and terrible. So I need some interim, sorta-pregnant clothes. The trip wasn't totally a bust. I got two super long camisoles and a couple of plain v-neck tees and a couple of black dresses, which look like they will be able to fit a substantial belly. But the whole lot is black, gray, and white, completely unembellished, and utterly boring. Fine for basics and layering pieces, which is what they are, but I need fun things, too, and I have no idea where to find that. It seems that maternity clothing seems to all be basics. And the whole, everything is too big for my boobs thing seems to be doubly true with maternity clothes. Anything I tried on that seemed like it would be able to fit me when I'm big was gaping ridiculously in the bust and at the arms. So hopefully I fill out at some point. Blah. But I did pretty good, since all of that, plus a t-shirt for hubby cost me under $60 with employee discounts and sales and all that, so I guess I can't be bummed. I think my next stop will be target, and also buying buttloads of stuff online and returning most of it, because it seems like all the interesting pieces and colors are online-only. Boo.

Anyway, it turns out the Old Navy the I went to was across the street from a Babies 'R Us, and I had some extra time so... why not? Actually, Kyle agreed to go with me to one next weekend to freak ourselves out and whatever, but I figured it couldn't hurt for me to get a head start so we're not both completely overwhelmed on that trip. And goodness, overwhelmed I was. I have no clue what I need or want or why I should even care about this or that feature, and holy crap all this shit costs a lot of money. I mean, I guess that is why God invented the internet and everything, but how does everyone else even deal? Or maybe while I was reading every thing I could get my hands on about pregnancy and natural childbirth, all the other girls were researching travel systems and pack 'n plays and diaper genies. I don't know. I guess we'll figure it out.

So we're going to go and freak out and hopefully bring Kyle one step closer to actually realizing that we'll be the proud owners of a real live infant six months from now. And probably start a registry because first great grandchild! On three of four sides! People are already buying me shit! And because I am a materialistic American, and registering is fun and I will not apologize for that.

Sorry for the really lame post.

Hello, Second Trimester!

So I'm fourteen weeks today and diving in to my second trimester. Cowabunga! My body is definitely changing. Most people who see me are like what, no, you're still impossibly tiny!, which is silly since I was never impossibly tiny to begin with (pre-pregnancy I was probably a size six), but okay. I'm definitely bigger for me, even if OMG BELLY! for me is someone else's normal.

I am definitely going to need to do some shopping soon, for things that will tide me over for the next few months. I did buy one maternity shirt yesterday when I was visiting my old store which has a Maternity section, but I'm not loving the stuff we're selling right now, and the in-store selection is pretty dismal. I'm going to have to have an online shopping extravaganza, I guess. I'm not even especially attached to things having a maternity specific label or anything, but the silhouettes that are coming out for spring are really not going to be flattering on a pregnant body. If only I have been pregnant a year ago when everything was blouse-y and tunic-y. Oh well. I have also heard the advice to just size up in regular clothes, but I'm not sure if that will work for me. I already have problems with tops that fit me elsewhere being huge and gaping in the chest area since I'm so flat, so going up a size seems like a wardrobe malfunction just waiting to happen, since my boobs still haven't gotten any bigger than they ever were. Blah. At least I will be doing the big parts of my pregnancy in the spring and summer. Dresses dresses dresses, I am sure. I'm super glad I'm not all huge now. Being heavily pregnant and having to worry about coats and things sounds like a nightmare.

Sick Again

I had only just recovered from Parisian stomach flu, and now I have a nasty cold. I have been in bed all day today, so I feel much less terrible, but I had thought I would be okay at work yesterday, too, but all the standing up, and like, thinking was too much for my poor little body, and I ended up leaving several hours early.

Speaking of work, it's so hard lately. Not physically or mentally, but omigosh, I cannot stand being around all the baby clothes. I mean, I can stand it and they are adorable and I love them, but the cuteness combined with my hormones makes me all teary and useless. But now that we've announced the pregnancy I'm actually able to buy baby things without making my coworkers suspicious, so I went baby shopping. We make so few unisex items, which is probably good because I don't need to spend tons of money on impractical baby apparel, but shopping! It's what I do best! And I can't buy anything for me right now because I don't need maternity yet, really, but I don't want to buy anything that fits me now, but will only be wearable for a month. Anyway, this is what I got. It is adorable and I love it and actually making a baby purchase for the first time feels like a super big deal to me.

(Now you know where I work. I wasn't planning on sharing that information in my blog, but it's pretty much inevitable to come out because FASHION!!!! I don't think it's going to matter so much since all of two people actually read my blog, and I generally have pretty good things to say about my company in general, but blah blah disclaimer I don't speak for Gap, etc.)

I'm really relieved that my pregnancy is out in the open now. I definitely wasn't ready to tell until we did, but as soon as we had out ultrasound I wanted everyone to know.  It definitely feels awkward for me to tell people in person, but fortunately I didn't have to for most people. Just some coworkers that I'm not friends with one Facebook, and my Grandpa, and surely I can suck it up for him. Kyle called his grandparents, and we emailed our extended families, gave them a day to make sure they read it all, and then told everyone else over Facebook. I was all sweaty and clammy and anxious in the hour after my email and Facebook posting waiting for comments, but now it's all done, and people are excited and I feel great, and I hope I don't turn into that obnoxious person who can't talk about anything else because so few of my peers are in the same life stage as me (so I guess they aren't really my peers so much anymore?), but I probably will be and oh well.

Otherwise, things are pretty good. We had another midwife appointment last week as well, and got back the numbers from our bloodwork. Normal, of course. Awesome. However, what's not awesome is the results that came back from my last prenatal. I'm borderline low on iron, and like, pathetically dismal for vitamin D. They sent me off to find obscure liquid supplements, which I've been taking dutifully, so hopefully thing will start looking up in those departments.

France Update.

So, my trip! Remember that? Yeah, well, after my last post on the subject, things went a little downhill. I did get in a good shopping trip with my sister, and that was pretty wonderful, although all I ended up buying was a pair of sunglasses, because I wasn't really interested in amassing my maternity wardrobe on the Champs Elysees.  But I did find it a little bit difficult to enjoy my time with her on the whole. I think it was because she's going through such a huge life transition right now, but it was making her quite insufferable most of the time, and that was disappointing.

Sis and I before I got sick.

The last couple days of our trip I fell ill. I actually ended up leaving the restaurant in the middle of lunch with my parents and my sister and taking the Metro back to our apartment alone, without a good idea of where I was going because I just all of the sudden couldn't handle being vertical anymore. Laying down in the dark helped, and I napped for several hours. But later when my dad was cooking dinner, and everyone kept coming in to check on my, the smells from the kitchen wafted in every time the door was opened and I lost my lunch. And by lunch I mean a few bites of salad, because that's all I had eaten. And I spent the next twelve hours alternating between bed and the bathroom floor. I didn't leave the apartment for the remainder of our trip. Slept right through New Years Eve, although I think Kyle woke me up at midnight. I also had about an hour of panicked delirium where I was sure I had contacted Listeriosis from the mass amounts of smoked salmon I had ingested and was going to give birth to a baby with three arms and called a nurse-line with the most unhelpful answers ever, and then gave up and figured I'd see my midwives when we got back to Seattle if I hadn't died yet.

I'm pretty sure I had some sort of virus, and not just pregnancy related nausea, although maybe one just exacerbated the other. I think I had a mild fever for at least part of the time. Anyway, it's not exactly how I had planned to spend my time in Paris. And I was just so very relieved to come home. Especially after lugging my suitcase through the Metro system to the train station and eventually out again to the cab because there was an accident and booking it through the airport so we wouldn't miss our flight only to have it delayed, and feeling like I might be about to faint the entire time. When we got to Seattle we just took a cab home without even really considering trying to use public transportation (which is actually very easy here), because neither of is could fathom not getting home as quickly as humanly possible. And then I went straight to bed even though it was only three in the afternoon.

Now I have a pretty nasty cold that I'm trying to get through, and the coughing and post-nasal drip definitely trigger my nausea, so that's less than fun. But I think we're on the upside of all of this. Fingers crossed.

Thirteen

13 Weeks

Dear Baby,

Hello! We are thirteen weeks along today! Almost finished up with the first trimester. Everything changed on Monday. Your Daddy and I got to see you for the first time! You are completely amazing.Your heartbeat is strong, and I've already watched the DVD we got from our ultrasound so many times so I could hear it again. You look perfect, and you're just as big as you should be. You have all of your arms and legs and you were waving them around like crazy. I'm glad you're already so feisty, even though I might regret saying that when you're exhausting me next year. I've been carrying your picture around with me everywhere because I'm just so excited and so in love.

You're also really starting to have an effect on my body. A couple weeks ago I started noticing that my pants were fitting tighter, but I wasn't really showing, at least not if I stood with any sort of reasonable posture. But today after I put my belt on, all of the sudden there you were! I was so happy and surprised that I said, "Hello, Baby!" out loud. I couldn't help myself.

This week we've also announced you to the world! Your grandparents and aunties and uncles have known about you almost since the beginning, but you were a secret from everyone else. It was fun for us to have a secret for a little while, but at this point I can't keep the news to myself any longer. Everyone is really excited to meet you, just like we are!

Love, Mommy

Your Facebook Debut

OMGOMGOMG

So, I was totally going to have some big update post about the rest of our Paris trip, but that's going to have to wait until later because we had our first ultrasound today and I cannot possibly write about anything else.

Oh. My. God. It was amazing! I was so anxious leading up to our appointment today. I woke up at 3:30 and I couldn't get back to sleep. I wasn't able to eat anything and felt terribly queasy to the point where I had to sit down on the bathroom floor for a couple of minutes in the middle of putting on my makeup. I know that we're pretty much the lowest risk pregnancy ever, but ugh. I can't help but imagine what could go wrong, especially after years of reading infertility blogs. I was having nightmares about spontaneous triplets.

But baby was perfect. I've only ever seen pictures from ultrasounds before, so I wasn't expecting to see the baby move so much--I don't know why, since it seems obvious that baby would be moving, but it surprised me. That was the best part, I think. Baby was waving arms around everywhere, and probably getting in the way of what the tech was trying to look at or measure, but I thought it was wonderful.

When we first heard the heartbeat all I could do was laugh, which of course messed everything up, so we had to start over.  I'm glad that I didn't get all sobby, and instead I was all giggly and bouncy and HAPPY and OH MY GOODNESS CAN YOU BELIEVE IT? Kyle is a little more (aHEM) subdued about his excitement, but when he isn't trying to check his email or Facebook updates on his iPhone every two minutes, it means he's pretty damn interested in whatever else is going on.

Anyhow, we're now waiting on the results of our blood test, but they told us today that the nuchal translucency measurements looked really good, and they put our risk of Downs at 1 in 4700 (down from about 1 in 1000 based on just our ages), and that they don't expect the blood testing to result in anything funky. So yeah. I can breath a little bit now.

We got to keep a DVD of the whole thing, and we are supposed to bring it back to any other ultrasounds so they can add onto it. I'm pretty sure I'm going to watch it every day, at least until we do our anatomy scan at 20 weeks.